Some Astronauts Take To The Bottle

News stories last week and over the weekend have had endless pieces about American astronauts and some of whom might have had or have a drinking problem. Of course this is my kind of story which requires that I wade in and give my two cents worth.

To date there have been over 350 astronauts in our space program flying everything from the old Mercury to the current shuttle. One would expect out of that many flyboys and flygirls there is bound to be one or two or more who like to belly up to the bar. What are the odds?

I have an intriguing question -- what does it feel like to be both drunk and weightless? Being a product of the 60's and young and sometimes wild, I can appreciate one of those feelings but not both -- that's got to be a real space trip. Sorry Wallie, but one has to be truthful.

How about crazy astronauts? We suspect that we had one -- the less than stable Captain Depends. There have been later reports saying that she did not wear a diaper for that long trip from Texas to Florida. Be that as it may, she appeared to be on the irrational side, we would have to agree. She just may have had or should have had a little nip out of the bottle to bolster her courage for the journey.

Do you suppose the Russian cosmonauts, manning the International Space Station for months at a time, keep a little stash of vodka behind one of the control panels? There cannot possibly be enough to keep them busy 24-7-365, so they've got to have a little partytime.

In looking back over our space adventures, had I been the one, rather than Neil Armstrong, who made that first step onto the moon surface, I might have needed a little bit of alcoholic beverage to steady my nerves to make that "giant leap for mankind." And another question -- do those spacesuits have little pockets for flasks? Or maybe they have to be creative like Bulldog fans sneaking booze into Scott Field.

As space technology has advanced, I think the time has come to put up an orbiting "First Chance - Last Chance" saloon where the shuttles could stop on the way out and again on the way back just so the astronauts could cool their heels and have a few to relieve some of the tension that they all must experience. Perhaps it would be cheaper to add a wing to the ISS and let the Russians be the bartenders.

You might typically hear this at the space watering hole, "Hey Ivan, give me two more vodka and tonic -- one for here, and one in a go cup."