Watch For Giant Squid

A report out of California warns commercial fishermen, who make their livings casting nets off the Pacific coast, that giant squid(s) (is it both singular and plural?) are invading the area and gobbling up a lot of our seafood supply.

These things can grow up to 7 feet long and weigh as much as 110 pounds. I smell a new adventure monster movie, "The Attack of the Giant Squid."

Probably Steven Spielberg has graduated from these types of movies since his epic, "Jaws" (1975). I'm not sure if he were involved in any of the several sequels. But we always have Toho Studios in Japan who gave us such memorable classics as, "Edirah" (1966 film about giant deep sea shrimp), "Gamine" (1970 thriller starring an alien-possessed crab), "Gezora" (1970 movie sticking with the alien-possessed theme but substituting a cuttlefish) and "Titanosarus" (1970 feature about an underwater dinosaur). There are, of course, many other movies of the monster genre, but these are a few of the more notable about specifically sea monsters. What? You haven't seen any of these? Shame on you!

As an aside, my only problem with these movies -- but on second thought it might have made them much more enjoyable -- was Toho Studios inability to synchronize Japanese mouth movement with dubbed in English. Surely that problem can be solved.

Anyway, the Dosidicus gigas (for you science buffs) or Humbolt squid is a very agressive predator which has the ability to change its eating habits dictated by supply. It is now consuming food favored by the shark and tuna -- two species that are part of this newly acquired diet are anchovies and hake. I don't care for anchovies on my pizza or in my Caesar salad, so their scarcity poses no problem for me, however, if I am not mistaken, the hake could be a relative of the whitefish or haddock, and its dwindling population might effect Captain D's and Long John Silver's -- let us pray for this not to happen.

In writing this post I have come up with an idea for a Japanese film starring the Dosidicus gigas -- the giant squid makes its/their way through the Panama Canal and into the Carribbean headed toward New Orleans and the mouth of the "Father of Waters." It/they adapt to fresh water (that's going to be a stretch for Mississippi River water) and add catfish to the diet. The South would be devastated -- it would be worse than the surrender of the Confederacy at Appamattox and the ensueing Reconstruction. A true Southerner cannot survive for long without fried catfish.

To make matters worse the giant squid could also go up the Warrior River in Alabama and into the Tenn-Tom. Columbus, Aberdeen and Fulton could be shown as positions where angry fishermen rally and attack the creatures as they climb over the locks and dams of the Tombigbee. At some point I suppose tactical nuclear weapons or some sort of laser would be used to finally stop the advance. Can you feel the excitement?

If we can get this potential Oscar-winner to the wide screen, I'm sure there will be co-starring roles, bit parts and cameos for the Southern citizenry, so brush up on your acting skills and take classes if necessary (as if good acting is necessary in a Japanese flick). It could prove to be a real opportunity.