Why Al Gore And I Ain't Best Buds

Regardless of your politics, Al Gore and his relentless campaign to convince us of global warming and the impending destruction of life on earth as we know it, forces me to point out how these scare tactics will effect our everyday lives. To wit, take notice of the following:

1. Ethanol Boon May Lead To Tequila Shortage

Because of the global warming crowd's insistence that we get away from the use of fossil fuels, Mexican farmers are setting afire fields of blue agave, the cactus-like plant used to make tequila, to make room for corn fields. Soaring U.S. demand for ethanol has pushed up the price dramatically. It is predicted that there will be 25-35% less agave available this year.

2. Corn For Ethanol Will Lead To Drop In Production Of Tortillas

Production of more corn but using so much of it for ethanol will mean less corn for tortillas and for the Mexican food devotee a shortage of most all Latin foods because they have a tortilla base.

3. Europeans Stop Growing Food, Start Producing Biofuels

The rapid conversion of fields that produced wheat and/or barley to biofuels is already leading to shortages of ingredients for making pasta and beer.

4. Neptune Is Getting Warmer

Neptune is now the fartherest planet from the sun -- Pluto having been relegated to only a dwarf planet. I suppose it doesn't count if you are a dwarf. To our knowledge, there has been no industrialization out at Neptune in recent times. There has been no buildup of greenhouse gases, no deforestation, not rapid urbanization, no increase in contrails from jet planes and no increase in ozone in the atmosphere, and yet the temperature of Neptune has been on the steady increase since 1980. Could one reason for the warming be solar output?

If I did more research I could come up with some other reasons not to buddy up with Big Al. Did I mention his dopey looks and brain of a gnat?

And because of Big Al's worldwide crusade on global warming we are going to have a shortage of tequila and a much more expensive tequila if we can get it. Look for bar orders for virgin margaritas to skyrocket -- you get much of the taste but little of the kick.

Fewer tortillas will lead to the closing of many Mexican restaurants resulting in our having to drive more than a half mile to dine on Latin food. More Hispanics will be out of work and our less than intelligent Senators and Congressmen/women will have to try and deal with that.

A shortage of pasta and European beer is about the icing on the cake. What are we going to order at Olive Garden -- spaghetti sauce and a straw? Forget about that great tasting dark German and Dutch beers and ales and get used to guzzling down some Bud and Miller Lite.

Then we have the Neptune issue. This is going to make Neptune a less than a desirable vacation spot -- everybody has been to Disney World except the Clarks.

Meanwhile Big Al, you and Tipper keep living in that big house using all that TVA power partially made from fossil fuel and flying in that big jet using all that fossil fuel while you are hawking that Oscar-winning documentary and new book of yours. And we peons out here will drink less tequila and European beer, eat less pasta and Mexican food and shelve our dreams of a vacation to Neptune.

We 'preciate you Big Guy?