Observations At The Wolfchase Galleria

Saturday and Sunday I had the pleasure (?) of manning a booth showcasing Collierville Winnelson's plumbing fixtures. I can't say that it was a huge success, but I was able to talk with a few people who were either building or remodeling.

The main thing is that people who come to the mall are either teeny boppers, food court buffs or shopping for panties at Victoria's Secret or other items at Macy's or the like, and the last thing on their minds is a faucet.

As those of you who read this blog know, I am an avid people watcher and chronicler of their dress and actions. Most of my people gazing is done at WalMart, but I welcomed the opportunity of perhaps watching a little different crowd, but I found out there were some people who left WalMart and came to the Galleria.

On to my observations of mall patrons and list of don'ts for those who frequent public places:

1. Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you have to wear it.

2. High heels are not compatible with mall shopping. If one has a problem walking anyway, heels are not going to improve the malady. For some women and girls it looks as if they are desperately trying to wall downhill against a stiff headwind. I also might caution about color -- a black dress with a bright, bright yellow 4" belt and matching heels one or two sizes too large is not very attractive, but it will make you stand out in a crowd.

3. For those men who feel they must cover a bald head with a toupee -- save your money and buy a good one. One rug I noticed looked as if it needed a chin strap. Along that same line, a radical comb over is a very obvious attempt to cover baldness -- bite the bullet and accept how God intended you to look.

4. If you are naturally ugly, do not try and enhance it. You should try to improve your looks and not go in the other direction.

5. Large bodies should not be covered in tight-fitting clothes. This, of course, points out the problem even more. Also, if you are a "big-boned" person, there is nothing for you at Victoria's Secret. Simply pass on by with a smile and shop at the place for "mature figures."

6. Men with large bellies should invest in longer t-shirts. And by all means do not squeeze into size 28 pants that are girted below the protrusion.

7. Is there a denim paint? One girl had obviously found some because there was no way on God's green earth she could have pulled on those denim shorts.

8. Large rings and other metal objects in noses and other exposed parts of a body should relegate those who sport them to the jungles of South America -- they should be more comfortable with people who do the same.

9. The Elvis look is out -- particularly on a man who is obviously Oriental.

It is not my intention to embarass or in any way cast fun at the people mentioned above, but common sense should prevail. When I last checked mirrors were still available in this country.

Enjoy your next mall visit -- I enjoyed mine.